Inevitable thoughts from little old me to the present

There are days, where inevitably I found myself looking back to that girl’s dreams and what has become of them. Things that I could have done, but because– well, many things – I never pursued. I often think about that kid whose only happiness was to read a book, playing pretend and act.

The child who decided she was going to be an actress because she saw Romeo and Juliet on TV. And the next day she decided to jump on the large table at her school. In her mind, it was a great way to pretend she was Juliet speaking with Romeo. As it would come obvious to you reading this , that little girl didn’t really make her teacher happy.

There are days, like today, where I wake up from a long night spent sleepless and stressed – not that I can call mine stress as such, considering there is always worse – trying to think on how things may have been different if only I would have started sooner. I don’t blame anyone, especially my family. Life is what it is. And as my mum would say, you can’t have everything you want.
Much of a poet she is. Don’t think I ever spent a day without some pearls of wisdom from her.

BIRTHDAYS AND WHAT NOT

The thing is, that the more a birthday is approaching – and yes, it is happening again this year – the more I stress and wish things to be different. I know, I can’t complain. I have done so much over the past few months, my company will hopefully grow soon and there is nothing I should complain about. There is lot of luck in my life. More than so many other people, but sometimes that sense of not being perfect comes back.

I have been part of amazing projects, with hopefully more to come. I concluded the draft of my first book series and the third book is already, though it will take some time, as I write in Italian and so I will later have to hire my amazing Italian editor yet again, work on the book, go through translation and then work with the English speaking editor. It’s not something I can do in just two seconds, but “Ehi! I can only fail if I don’t try!”
I do think, as to remove every possible confusion, that my mum has in fact influenced me far too much with all of her speeches.

And funny thing, she has never asked me to be perfect! But I am a Virgo, and even worst a cusp Virgo-Libra, for those who believe in astrology. As per Google we are the Cusp of Beauty and reading this part we could say “OH my thank you!”. But then here’s the catch, the perfectionist tendencies. Those that stress me and everyone like me to the point we can’t just relax for even a second. Though Hi!, we may be great worker, just trowing out there if anyone from the casting world is reading!

BUT CAN WE REALLY RELAX?

When will my life begin, at least that’s what Rapunzel was singing in the movie. And don’t I know. I can leave my house, much different from her. But leaving is not enough, not if you don’t have a place to go. And so like her I feel just trapped in a tower. Tell the truth, how many of you feel the same? The door is there, we just don’t feel like we can open it and to reach that lake where we can finally release the lamps and our dreams.

Hopefully that day will come. I would just hope it won’t take too much time. In the meantime, sending emails and hoping for an agent to get back at me is all I can do. It’s quite strange how no matter what there’s always something else preventing you to go forward. Maybe I need to eat some glowing flower and sing to my new hair. At least with those I will be young forever and will have all the time in the world for my job!

Just a thought. Doesn’t sound that bad.
Hope your days are always a little better.
Marianna